If I had been told one day, that I would be subjected to these atrocities, I would have laughed in their faces.
Even if they had warned me, I wouldn't have believed it.
It fell on me against all odds.
I am a foresighted person by nature, still,it came as a surprise.
He was gentle and calm by nature, not the type to hurt a fly.
He seemed so reassuring and protective, I didn't see anything suspicious about him.
And yet, the first slap came without warning.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
I was shocked and didn't say a word.
I had dared to talk back at him, I had dared to question his authority.
So he took the liberty of teaching me a lesson.
The lamb gradually turned into a wolf.
Such a gentle man became obsessively jealous.
He controlled every outfit I wore.
He identified each person I talked to.
He was nervous that I was attractive.
He would go through my phone as he pleased.
He hacked into my accounts and read all my conversations.
Love led to Passion.
An unhealthy Passion.
I saw a relentlessness and an outpouring of hatred.
In the morning he told me « I love you », before noon I was lying in a pool of blood.
In the evening he would kiss me good night with passion, in the morning I had his fists for breakfast.
And beware, if I dared to talk about my nightmare to anyone.
He would make me pay for it inevitably.
With him, all shots were allowed, there was no limit.
The hitting became so frequent that I didn't even feel it anymore.
My eyes were swollen.
The bruises on my body were camouflaged.
I didn't understand what was happening to me.
And especially, why everyone envied us.
They saw us as the perfect couple.
Meanwhile, I entered the abused women's club against my will.
Just like them, my silence was killing me softly.
And I started lying, to protect him.
The broken arm, I found a way to justify it.
But a broken rib, how to hide it?
So I came with all sorts of tricks, to prevent my abuser from being unmasked.
I could lie but my eyes betrayed me.
That's why I avoided eye contact as much as possible.
The few people who had discovered the Truth, kept telling me the same thing over and over again.
« Leave as soon as possible! »
But that's easier said than done.
It's so hard to leave someone you’re madly in love with.
I loved that man more than my own existence.
So leaving didn't make sense.
He isolated me from everyone, I was only living through him.
And still,I felt among the luckiest.
Because I had found a man who only wanted me for himself.
Obviously,He beat me because he loved me.
I deserved it.
I was a nobody and nobody had ever loved me.
I never had a father's love, he abandoned me.
So I wasn't going to let my great love slip away for a few scratches.
I know what people are thinking.
Some people caricature me and make fun of me all the time.
When they see me, they bow their heads.
Others look at me with pity.
They do not dare to interfere.
But no one really understands this feeling inside.
"When you've known nothing else but Hell, it becomes your shelter!"~MrsKiss Kay
"Everyone has skeletons in their closet.Maybe mine are more apparent.But it doesn't mean that yours don’t exist.They’re just buried under the rubble of your so-called perfect life." ~MrsKiss Kay
I don't expect anything from anyone because life has left me with indelible scars.
However, I still hope that someone will reach out to me,even if I reject the offer a million times.
I seek for a little tenderness, because what I'm going through is rough enough.
I would appreciate a little comfort in my world of brutality.
I'd like someone to help me up ,even though the next second I'll be on the floor again.
I would like my burning cry to be heard even in my silence.
I wish someone could decode the signs and read between the lines.
I would especially like someone to help me, because he managed to make me as sick as he is!
I'm not as stupid as you think I am.
I am well aware that staying for the children is not a good excuse.
I am well aware that he will do it again and again until death follows.
I know better than anyone what I feel because I am the one who is experiencing it daily.
Nevertheless, I would like someone to keep checking on me even when I isolate myself.
That they don't stop rescuing me even when I let myself die.
Just never stop even when your efforts are ignored.
Because one day your presence,at the right time, will make a difference.
Your resilience will be rewarded.
And a life you will have saved because you will have refused to give up on us.
This cry of heart is a support to abused women, your silence resonates within us, we understand that your unspoken words are not consented to.
Even with all these barriers and your armor, we see right through you and we feel your pain.
We will not understand everything but we will be there with you.
May God, Allah, protect you and your children, and allow you to get out of this situation that you did not choose.
We will chase your fears and your shame away.
From the shadow to the light, we will make this journey with you,hand in hand.